Hard day

Today and last night have been really hard for me. I dont know whats wrong with me but I just cant stop crying. I guess it started when i found out Previa was still present on thursday. Im just so afraid that something will happen to my baby. and Im taking out my fear on everyone by being downright mean or just crying all the time. I had ablessing today which has helped so far. plus ive been feeling the baby a little more frequently. I prayed all night that I would have a feeling of comfort that evrything is ok, and this morning the baby was very active and I could feel quite a bit. of course nothing strong ( I wouldnt notice it if i was moving around) and Tony cant feel it yet. but it was still comforting. I couldnt quit crying in sacrament meeting today. A baby was blessed and it just reminded me of when Gabriel was blessed. I started crying becasue im so afarid of somethign happening and not having the oppurtunity to do that with this baby. I think people believe my fear are unwarranted right now becasue there is still a chance for my placenta to move up. But it is overwhelming knowing what can happen if it doesnt. I feel like I did when Gabriel was in the NICU, Helpless. There is nothing I can do but wait and see what happens for now. Then after twenty weeks we can start taking action. I feel incompetant becasue soon my body may not be safe enough for my baby, and the smallest action like sneezing or coughing could cause bleeding and be potentially dangerous for me or baby. I know that is only when I get much further along and I dont really feel like that is going to happen. I know there might be problems but I know we will get through it and that everything will be as it is supposed to be.and I just dont really feel like this baby is going to be taken from us. but even being positive and having faith doesnt erase the fear I have inside of not being able to protect my baby.The feeling I have reminds me so much of Gabriel which just makes it harder. I miss him so much and would give anything to just beable to hold him again.